


mune ga hachikire-sōde (my chest is about to burst)

by mara21



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asami Sato-Centric, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Korrasami - Freeform, Medical Inaccuracies, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mostly Canon Compliant, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Asami Sato, Pining, also the title is from mitski’s first love / late spring, because its what she Deserves, no beta we die like the earth queen, not super graphic depictions of illness but is is hanahaki, pema mothering asami, possible rating change idk we'll see where this goes!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29974500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mara21/pseuds/mara21
Summary: Two years had gone by, with no Korra, and with reddish orange petals climbing up Asami’s throat.The CEO often found relief in visiting Air Temple Island for a break from the city. Pema was always kind enough to her offer Korra's old room for a night or two. It was good for her, being around enough people to distract her from the emptiness waiting for her back at the estate, and the petals. Right now though, she really wished she was alone.Because Asami was starring at a full fire lily in the sink of Tenzin and Pema's bathroom.Her eyes were watering from the violent coughing up of a full flower,and at the realization that this was something she couldn't ignore any longer.orA Korrasami Hanahaki AU
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	mune ga hachikire-sōde (my chest is about to burst)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was searching for a korrasami hanahaki fic the other day and i found NONE. i could NOT have that. so heres this! and a little bit about hanahaki if you're [unfamiliar.](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Hanahaki_Disease)

“Are you sure you don’t want some company in the Southern Water Tribe? I’m happy to come with you,” Asami offered. 

“No, I appreciate it, but I’ll only be gone a couple weeks.” 

Asami tried not to flinch at how quickly the Avatar had answered her question. She knew Korra was strong, and she could get through this on her own, but still, she felt pull towards the girl and a need to be by her side now. To make sure she eats enough, keeps knots out of her hair and sleeps through the night. In the years Asami had gotten to know her, Korra had changed her life remarkably for the better. Imprisoned dad and constant being-on-the-run aside, Asami wouldn’t trade anything for the family she’d found in their little Team Avatar. She wouldn’t trade anything for Korra. 

“A little time alone will be good for me,” Korra added. 

Asami nodded and hid the disappointment in her eyes by leaning down to hug Korra goodbye once more. She hoped the brunette didn’t notice the way her hands lingered around her shoulders for just a second too long. 

And then her ship was set sail. Bolin was waving frantically, feigning deep sorrow and dramatic wails as the rest of them waved her off like normal people. Asami stood facing the ocean, stupidly, for a beat too long when the others had turned to walk back to the city. There was a dull pang in her chest growing as she watched the ship get smaller in the distance. Something caught in her throat and she tried to suppress a cough, failing. 

“You alright Asami?” Mako asked from behind.

She cleared her throat and failed to keep in another cough, spinning around to catch up with the others,

”Mhm, I’m fine.”

She didn’t notice the tiny orange flower petal that fell from her mouth onto the deck. 

▫

Two years had gone by, with no Korra, and with reddish orange petals sometimes climbing up Asami’s throat. 

There’d be passes of time where the petals stayed dormant, and she could forget about them for weeks. They stayed under everyone else’s radar of course, and Asami kept herself busy enough to never have to think about them seriously. This had to be a fluke, she told herself, they would go away for certain once she let them slip her mind completely. She wasn’t even _in love with anyone, for spirits sake._ It couldn't be. 

It had been a while since her last letter to Korra. The first few months she’d been gone, Asami sent ones routinely, updating the Avatar on her day-to-day life, imagining Korra was in the room with her, listening to her talk about nothing, everything. She wanted so badly to know how Korra was feeling. She wanted Korra to know she was there for her, if Korra wanted her to be. 

Then in a year without hearing back, her letters slowly trailed off. Still, Asami would find a way to make it out to Air Temple Island pretty often, asking Tenzin if he’d heard anything from Katara at least once a month. The lack of news was more or less the same. Vague updates, like _"Korra's doing alright for now," "She'll be okay eventually," "The healers are hopeful."_ She had to imagine Tenzin was only relaying brief summaries of letters from his mother. Which was fine, Asami would take what she could get. The CEO often found relief in visiting the island for a break from the city and her big empty estate from time to time. Jinora and Opal, when they weren't literally flying around the world saving lives, were comforting to be around. The rest of the airbender kids had taken a liking to her as well, Meelo especially. They made her laugh, and she needed more laughter nowadays.

Asami had even found herself sitting in on a few of Jinora's guided mediations, which were surprisingly effective in helping her mind be less restless for a moment. They didn't make the time pass by any faster though. Even when she buried herself in exciting projects for Future Industries for weeks at a time, time seemed to drone on slower than she'd ever felt it. She hoped no one noticed her weariness.

If anyone did, it was Pema. She was always kind enough to offer Korra's old room for the night when she'd come for dinner. And recently, Asami had been accepting the invitation. Sometimes, she'd bring a little work with her and stay for a weekend. It was good for her, being around enough people to distract her from the emptiness waiting for her back at the estate, and the petals.

Right now though, she really wished she was alone. 

Because Asami was starring at a full fire lily in the sink of Tenzin and Pema's bathroom. 

Her eyes were watering from the violent coughing up of a full flower,

and at the realization that this was something she couldn't ignore any longer. 

So, this really was Hanahaki then. 

Asami had only ever heard of people with the disease, not known. She thought it was ridiculous how people would let their lungs fill with flowers until they couldn’t breathe anymore, instead of just getting an operation to remove them, and the pathetic feelings of one sided desire. Suddenly, she was the pathetic one. 

Asami looked herself in the mirror, trying hard not to break her composure. Her mascara was already smudged a little. And the tears in her eyes were welling up too fast to stop them now. She slammed a hand over her mouth before she could let out a sob.

The CEO wasn’t all that good with heavy emotions, she wasn’t all that good with loose, fickle concepts like faith and grief and _love_. 

Yet, this was forcing her to stare emotion, and simultaneously, death in the eye. There was no question as to whose favorite flowers these were. Of course Korra would love fire lilies. They weren’t native to the South, but they were bright and vibrant and beautiful, _like her,_ Asami thought, _like her._

(Distantly, she thought of how wings of the estate had once been littered with bouquets of fire lilies. They’d been her mother’s favorite flower too).

Of course she had feelings for Korra. And of course it took a life-threatening disease for her to admit that to herself this head-on. There was no denying it anymore. It's like her fondness for the girl had spilled out into the open for everyone, including herself, to finally see, in this thin red flower. She’d fallen _hard_ for her best friend, and she didn't know when exactly she had let it happen. (Could she even call Korra her best friend anymore when they hadn't spoken in so long?) Why did it have to be _her?_ Why did it have to be the only girl she had ever really felt a close connection to, and why did this girl have to be the _Avatar?_ The Avatar, who had cut off contact with everyone, and was halfway around the world recovering from being _poisoned._ Her life was too crazy, too important to have time to think about love and romance. So of course the CEO couldn't expect Korra to have feelings for her too. She shouldn't be sad about Korra's rational emotions and her own irrational ones. Her sadness was irrational. She had to pull it together. Her sadness was irrational. Why couldn't she stop crying? 

"Asami?"

She jumped slightly at Pema's knock on the door. 

"You've been in there for a while hon, are you alright?"

Asami splashed a bit of water on her face and tried to respond without her voice breaking, 

"Y-Yeah I'm alright Pema. Thanks."

... 

"Are you sure?" 

Spirits, if Pema's voice wasn't so damn endearing and motherly. Asami guessed she took her silence as a "no," because she continued to linger outside the door. 

Asami gave in and opened it. 

"Oh honey," Pema took one look at her face and reached out to pull her into her arms,

"What's the matter?"

Pema glanced over Asami's shoulder at red flower in the sink and squinted a bit. 

"Is that, a fire lily?" She reached for it, "Where did this-"

Asami's sudden coughing fit interrupted her, and she had to bend over the sink again. Pema rubbed her back and made sure her ponytail wasn't slipping in front of her face. The raven-haired girl choked up a piece of another lily, and Pema's hand stilled. 

"Oh _spirits_ ," the airbender matron let slip out in a whisper. 

"Please, don't tell anyone," Asami pleaded, her eyes still closed bending over the sink. She couldn't imagine dealing with the shame and pity and embarrassment that came with Hanahaki, and ever-present in the back of her mind was her reputation to uphold as Future Industries' CEO. People already questioned her leadership as a young woman, this would only make her seem more frail. 

"Of course Asami, just..." she glanced back at the flowers in her sink with concern, "just promise you'll take care of yourself okay? And come to me if you need to," she held Asami's shoulder reassuringly, "Let me bring you some tea. It'll soothe your throat."

Asami took the pot of tea Pema made her in a small basket accompanied by jars of it's loose leaves for later, and made a sorry excuse for why she couldn't stay for dessert to the rest of her family. She had to be alone right now, couldn't deal with explaining herself to anyone. She didn't question why Pema was so quick to understand, and had the exact type of tea for this situation. Asami was just lucky enough to catch the last ferry back to Republic City. 

She walked toward her blue Satomobile parked at the dock and stopped in her tracks before she reached for the door. She thought of Korra's water tribe blues, and noticed how they matched her car's paint and interior almost exactly. 

"Spirits, my subconscious was so fucking obvious," she spat out to herself. 

The raven-haired girl took the long way back to her estate, and purposefully missed the turn to her house a few times. She just needed to drive, and think. 

If she got the surgery, no one would ever have to know. Her feelings would be gone and once Korra got better and came back they could be a team again. The operation wouldn’t take away any fondness she’d felt towards Korra as a friend, right? If Asami’s feelings for Korra complicated things and closed off any potential for the team to get back together, she'd never forgive herself. So it'd be best to get the surgery. It wouldn't be fair to confess her love ( _love?_ _fuck,_ was this _love_?) in a letter to Korra now and expect her to come running into her arms after two years. She didn't even know if Korra would read a letter from her if she sent one. 

She didn't have the capacity for all of this right now, not when her company was back on the rise and Korra wasn't even talking to her. She wanted to break down and cry in someone's arms. Before she could even process her feelings for Korra, she had to accept the fact that whatever she felt for Korra, Korra didn't feel for her. Korra didn't want her. That's what sprung this disease on. Never mind the mass of flowers growing in her lungs. That thought was lethal enough. 

So the surgery was the best way to deal with this. The CEO drove to the edge of the city and back, talking herself into it. The only reason she finally pulled into her driveway was because she needed to rummage through the estate's library, see if she could do any research on the procedure. She had to get rid of this feeling of helplessness, had to get rid of the fire lilies burning in her chest.

When she swung open the main entrance, she almost slipped on the mail on scattered on the floor.

There was one envelope that looked a bit tattered, like it had traveled a long way to get there, so she picked it up and flipped it over.

Asami had to make sure she was reading the name and return address right. _Of the Southern Water Tribe..._

She let out a soft gasp,

"Korra." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so of course i had to make korra's favorite flower a fire lily, because even though she wears blue she IS the red gay. (and im a slut for flwogb). also i said: we all know asami has daddy issues but lets maybe explore her mommy issues hmmm let me know what you all think!
> 
> Chapter Title: [Lost / Heart](https://open.spotify.com/track/0zZlIiw6kLDUYlOp2QaClr?si=LrUTHXjOSG6V8QHX1dfy-Q) by Cuco


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